FutureLearn task two: Write a paragraph on your perfect writing scenario, and the worst writing scenario you can imagine.
The sun is out, but it’s not too hot. It is midday, but it’s quiet, and I’m in my garden. There is silence, apart from a few birds chirping. I have beer, because I’m imagining my perfect writing scenario, and in my imagination I can write fabulous prose even after a few pints. And the words are flowing, marvelously, non-stop, because this is my imagination and I am now the brilliant, prolific author of my dreams.
You’ve spilled your coffee on my laptop. You’re now pretending to study your paper, but actually you’re reading my story as I’m writing it. These words aren’t ready for reading yet! I’m far too British to complain to you out loud, and you clearly can’t feel the sense of disapproval I’m trying to physically project, so instead I’m going to literally spell it out for you: please stop reading what I’m working on. It gets on my nerves. You’re still doing it! If you keep on reading, I shall have no option but to list all your physical flaws until you stop, move seats or punch me in the face. 1: Your nostril hairs need trimming. 2: That suit is at least a size too small. 3: Is that a wig?… Oh, he’s stopped. I’m never writing on a train again.