Toast

Just a quick one, about breakfast.

 

Monday

Bert’s got strawberry jam on his toast today. He never has jam on toast. It’s always butter. Has been for years. What’s going on?

_

Tuesday

It’s jam again. And on brown toast! He always has white!

‘Are you feeling okay, Bert?’

‘Yes, thank you, Shirley.’

_

Wednesday

Is that marmalade? Every day for years he’s had a slice of white toast with butter for breakfast. Why’s he suddenly changing now?

‘Are you sure you’re okay, Bert?’

‘Yes, thank you, Shirley.’

_

Thursday

Crumpets! Crumpets! He knows we only buy those in case we have guests. And with blueberry jam! I don’t understand!

‘Bert, are you really sure you’re okay?’

‘Yes, thank you, Shirley.’

_

Friday

Oh, that looks like white toast with butter again. That’s good. I don’t like all this change. But… no, something’s not right.

‘What have you got there, Bert?’

‘Sourdough toast, Shirley.’

Sourdough! Sourdough! I don’t even know what that is, but I know I don’t like it!

‘Bert, are you sure-‘

‘I’m fine, thank you, Shirley.’

_

Saturday

Today Bert had something he called ‘French Toast’. I felt all quivery and had to go and have a lie down. I’m going to tell him to stop this… this… this nonsense tomorrow.

_

Sunday

It’s sourdough again, covered with something called ‘Marmite’.

‘Bert, stop this!’

‘Stop what, Shirley.’

‘This… breakfast silliness! You don’t like all these things!’

‘Just trying something new, Shirley.’

‘Well, don’t! You’re Bert! Dependable, consistent, unchanging. That’s what I love about you! You’re always the same, like the anchor of an old ship, keeping us steady. I don’t like this!’

‘I haven’t changed anything else, Shirley. I’ve even been wearing the same boxer shorts since Thursday.’

‘What? What?’

‘Just joking, Shirl.’

‘Well, don’t! My Bert doesn’t make jokes like that! And he certainly doesn’t call me “Shirl”!’

‘Okay, sorry, sorry… it’s just… aren’t you bored?’

‘Of what?’

‘Of the same thing, over and over. We’ve been doing the same stuff every day for years now. We go to the same shops, eat the same meals, watch the same telly programmes. I just wanted to try something new. To see what it was like.’

‘Well, stop it!’

He’s not answering. Why’s he not answering? Bert always answers!

‘Please, Bert!’

‘Okay, Shirley. Okay. If it means that much to you.’

_

Monday

White toast and butter again. Thank goodness for that.

‘Bert?’

‘Yes, Shirley?’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too, Shirley.’

He looks like he’s really enjoying that toast.